When it comes to support we often look outside ourselves towards other people. Another shoulder to lean on, to support us through difficult or stressful times.
We look to our family, our friends, our work colleagues or co-workers, our neighbors, our team mates, the people in our community, our gym buddies.
We all have a network of people we know. Other humans, like us, that love, live and sometimes struggle just like we do.
It is estimated, depending on who you might listen to, that each person on this planet has around 250 other people or more in their extended network. So it’s natural and easy to look outside of ourselves for support. Humans are social creatures after all.
And whilst a solid and strong support network around us is important, especially for those days when s*** hits the fan, we often forget that there is one more person we can rely upon.
Ourselves.
The curious ways we treat ourselves: Your most important relationship in your life
The funny thing is that often we forget that we are that one person in our lives that truly knows us. That one person that is there for us in every single scene of our lives. That knows all of our darkest secrets, has been there alongside us every waking moment.
So, why is it that we often don’t treat ourselves as well as we treat others? That we often don’t speak to ourselves the way we would do to our best friend or work colleague? Or that we don’t support or cheer ourselves on the way we do with others? The way we support our best friend for example?
It’s curious to me, although I definitely have fallen into the same way of being. And I know that you have too. You see, the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have. EVER.
Why?
Because how can we be our best self for the people we love if we can’t be our best self for ourselves?Â
The impact of the relationship with ourselves and how it plays out in everyday life.
How we treat ourselves affects every single area of our life.
- It affects how much capacity we have to give love and kindness to our family and friends.
- It affects our ability to show up as our authentic and powerful self in our career.
- It affects our spending habits and ability to create wealth.
- It affects our boundaries and the way we uphold them with others.
- It affects our personal growth.
- It affects our confidence.
- It affects how we view ourselves.
- It affects our romantic relationships and how we show up in those.
- It affects our emotional well-being.
- It affects our ability to enjoy the pleasures of life.
- It affects the kind of situations and people we attract and the kind of situations and people we say yes or no to.
How we treat ourselves and take care of ourselves affects EVERYTHING.
I’m going to say that again.
How we treat ourselves and take care of ourselves affects EVERYTHING in our life!!!!
The stakes are high. It’s like that red thread that goes through our life determining and influencing everything that we do and experience. So what do we do?
The good news is that the answer to the problem is simple. Become your very own best friend.Â
The real question is how do we do that?
4 steps to becoming your own best friend
Becoming your own best friend is a simple process. And sometimes the simple processes aren’t necessarily easy.Â
Especially if we have spent a lifetime doing it the hard way.
These steps below will show you how you can easily shift from your old ways into a new, kinder, more loving way of being for yourself. They can be repeated over and over again in no particular order until being your bestie becomes second nature to you.
There is no right or wrong in this work. The most important thing is to just give it a go and keep trying again every day.
Step 1: Get clear on what being a ‘best friend’ actually means to you.Â
What are the qualities of a best friend? Does she always have your back? Is she loyal? Does she listen to you? Is she honest, trustworthy and genuine? Is she always kind to you? Does she fully accept you for who you are and loves you no matter how often you screw up? There are many qualities a best friend can have so get clear on which of these are really important and non-negotiable to you.
Step 2: Get clear on which of those qualities you embody well. And which ones you don’t.
Most of the time, the way we treat ourselves goes unnoticed as automatic behaviour. It is really important to bring awareness to when you are being loving, kind and supportive to yourself and when you aren’t. Awareness is the first step to change. Ask yourself why? Why am I operating this way? What am I believing about myself here? Where does this way of being come from?Â
Give yourself permission to really delve deep here. Remember it’s not about the destination but rather about the journey of discovery. So strap in for the ride!
Step 3: Let go of what doesn’t serve you
So, now that you have discovered so much in step 2, figure out which ways of being you want to keep and which ones you don’t. I am a huge fan of creating space, decluttering and letting go of the old and the things that don’t serve us. Not just do we feel better for it, it also creates new space for us to make way for new things that bring us joy and love.
Step 4: Be kind. Start being your own best friend every day.
Whilst doing deep inner work, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, is very important for our growth and learning, we also live in the reality of a physical world. So if we want to create change we have to take action in the real world to make it happen. Do something for yourself that your bestie would do for you every single day. It can be something simple like giving yourself a break when you need it or a proverbial pat on the back when you did something well. All these small actions will have a huge impact down the track and will positively improve your relationship with yourself.
Because remember, you deserve to live your best life. You deserve to be and feel loved. You deserve kindness and to treat yourself like the most important person in your life.
Because no one knows you the way you do.
With love and gratitude,
