How can anyone put well-being and trap in the same sentence? I will tell you. And for that, let’s start with some context.

A few years ago, while going through a tough time in my relationship at the time, I went to do some work with a counselor. In particular we looked at my perception of my life, my self-esteem and my daily/weekly well-being routine. Or maybe I should say, my expectations of myself and the things I had told myself I needed to do in order to feel good.

My routine was a hodge podge of things that I had picked up from friends, and family, social media, movies, magazines and so on. Many of you can probably relate to this. We see others do something that makes them feel good, or look good, and we think: “Oh, I should do that!”. 

And essentially, learning from each other, our trials and tribulations, experiences etc is an amazing thing! We are all humans walking on the same earth and there is so much we can learn from each other. We also are all so very individual in our own right, which means what works and doesn’t work for each and everyone of us differs. Circumstance and context (the situation) also influences that too. Yes, there are many variables. Probably an endless amount, really.

So back to my story. I was sitting in this session with my magic counselor explaining my routine and expectations of myself to her. Once I was done, I looked at her expectantly waiting for her response.

And her answer was…’Sophie, this routine of yours sounds awfully like a full time job!’

I was perplexed, confused. This was definitely not the answer to my routine I had imagined. It made me stop and think.

I visualized my routine in practice. Looked at the time it would take me every day and every week to do what I had set out.

At the time, I was a mum of a 6 and 2 ½ year old, working part-time, running a business on the side, managing family life and a partnership. I let her words sink in. A full-time job on top of what I was already committed to. That sounded hard.

Life had felt hard at the time already and suddenly I was started to see that what I had set out to help me feel better was actually adding to my stress and daily overwhelm.There just weren’t enough hours in a day to do it all.

I had created a trap for myself. A routine that caused me stress and just simply wasn’t working for me. A routine that was created on the basis of ‘I should be’ rather than ‘what could be helpful to me’.

In hindsight, this was a really important life lesson. These are the two things I learnt:

1. You can always do too much of a good thing.
2. What works for others doesn’t necessarily work for me and vice cersa.

There are many things we don’t get to control in life. And it’s worth focusing on the ones that we do. Our actions, our ways of being, the thoughts we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with, our daily routines and habits.

Our daily routine in particular doesn’t have to feel like a chore. Or become stressful or overbearing. Its purpose is to serve you, make you feel centre and empowered among a few other things, whatever they are for you. But you are not there to serve it.

Of course when we are forming a new routine, discipline may be needed. Or persistence on the days we don’t feel like doing it. And we may need to remind ourselves of the benefits and the why of what we are doing a few times too.

Here are some important factors to consider when establishing a new routine for yourself:

1. Time – What is the amount of time you can or want to commit to this? We always make time for the things are important to us, but when we are juggling a few hats we also need to think about what really works for us.
2. Commitment – Scheduling all the things you do in your every day into your calendar is a great tool to keep a record of all the things you actually do. It helps with a sense of accountability and achievement, when you get to look back on how much you have actually achieved today or this week. Also talking to people and asking them to keep you accountable to what you had set out to do is really valuable when wanting to honour what we committed to.
3. Alternatives – Allow your creativity to flow when it comes to your routine. Not every day has to be the same. For example, workouts can happen at home, at the gym, in nature, with friends and family, in the community. There are always alternatives available. Allow yourself to try a few before committing to one.
4. Are you ‘shoulding’ yourself? – Is what you are doing coming from a space of I should be doing this? Or are you doing it because it feels good, is working for you and has real benefits? Putting things into our routine because we think we have to tends not to end in your enjoyment but rather in a chore you probably end up not doing anyway.
5. Your beliefs – What beliefs are you holding in your subconscious that are affecting your ability to create new habits? What were you told as a kid, what are the beliefs and preconceived ideas you picked up over your lifetime? Beliefs and mindset work is the key to all change. What you believe is what you create in life. Check out this video here, to find out more about what beliefs are: (Insert link for belief video)

Whatever you choose to do, allow yourself to follow your joy. Listen to yourself. Because all the answers you seek are already inside of you.

With love and gratitude,

Sophie xx